the fucked up things you get from bash.org

Women do:
- Piercings in the strangest places
- Tatoos everywhere
- Face liftings
- Cesarian Birth
- Liposuction
- Chirurgial reduction of the abdomen.
- Plucking of facial hair and eyebrows
- Depilation with hot wax
SO HOW CAN THEY DARE TO TELL YOU “IT HURTS” WHEN YOU ASK FOR SOME ANAL SEX?!?!?

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<Warmaster_Horus> But some of the stuff you can do with mayo is good
<NiTessine> Yes. Like assassinations.
<Mithran> You assassinate people with mayo?
<NiTessine> Nobody ever suspects mayo.

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<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me
<DM|Rigs>
<Munter> Jesus loves you!
<Sirak> Everybody else thinks you’re a cunt

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<@jamesG> You know those naruto headbands some people actually wear?
<@jamesG> I remember someone refering to them as “Pussy Deflectors”
<@jamesG> I laughed until I saw a female wearing one…

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Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing and stared at me for along time until someone from across the room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.

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LoCo643: if you masterbate to the same girl more then 10 times, it is ok to call them your girlfriend
LoCo643: its a rule

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<Bearsy> hehehe… you dont really NEED pants.. they’re just a nice thing to have
<rik0> i only have them for the pockets

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<blie> i need a new girlfriend
<blie> mine sucks
<kelseyB> yours sucks?
<kelseyB> ill take her

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(sadik): nothing gayer than 2guys and a chick
([sic]): well there’s two guys and no chick
([sic]): that’s pretty gay

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<OmegaHedgehog> Haha, a very funny thing happened to my cousin right before Christmas
<OmegaHedgehog> My cousin was watching South Park with me, something he really isn’t supposed to be doing
<OmegaHedgehog> The episode where Cartman thinks a dildo is a sports watch was on
<OmegaHedgehog> So he goes and writes down ‘dildo’ on his list to Santa
<OmegaHedgehog> His dad goes and reads it and freaks out, and goes up to ask him where he heard what a dildo was
<OmegaHedgehog> He replies with “I heard Cartman talk about it on TV. It’s something like a sports watch, right?”
<OmegaHedgehog> So his dad (my uncle) tells him it’s a chocolate chip cookie, and asks my aunt to make him some
<OmegaHedgehog> So the next day he goes to school, and here’s the best part
<OmegaHedgehog> He gets up in front of the whole class and tells them about how his mom gave him her biggest dildos and how yummy they were

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dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next day
BaileD: You have the most fucked up family ever. Period.

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[tim:] fuck this game
[tim:] the more you beat it the harder it gets
[tim:] … oh god.
[tim:] that was never going to sound right.

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<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: “where is everyone??”.
<sexor> I replied: “In bed, same place you and I should be!”
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look

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9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.

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<ken> man, I got an F on my stupid test.
<Christopher> Think of it as -A, not F.

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<Kintai> Yes, boobs are like toy trains
<Wallaroo> ?
<Kintai> They’re meant for children, but grown men tend to end up playing with them anyway.

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<olik> Jesus was the best pirate of them all.
<olik> He walked the seven seas!
<deathfish> and got nailed to the plank instead of walking it

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<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, “sup?”
<foniks`> whatd u think they’d say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, “G`Day mate”

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<bring> My mom, out of the blue
<bring> asked me if I ever thought of joining the army
<bring> and was like “I don’t approve of that, but you might like it” and I was like “approve of what?” so she was like “you know, killing people”

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anyway a lil’ freddy quote:

I used to ask my mom,

“Mom when would i find the right woman?”

she patted my head and said,

“Don’t worry about finding the right woman, concentrate on being the right man “